


i've been ghosting, ghosting alone

by brainlessboy (k5zuwritez)



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Ghosts, Haunting, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Really Character Death, Paranormal, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Tags May Change, Talking To Dead People, Unrequited Love, corpse is a medium, everyone is kinda coping, everyone is really confused, ghost sykkuno doesn't know he's dead or how he died, ghostkkuno, lapslock, sykkuno is a ghost, use of sykkuno's real name
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k5zuwritez/pseuds/brainlessboy
Summary: " you all are so amazing. i don’t deserve any of you at all. and we all know that. i don’t want to have to hurt you , but i can’t bear this any longer. life is a burden. there’s nothing for me anymore, you know? nothing for me in this life. i don’t deserve it anymore. i don’t need it. this will be better if i just do this now. i don’t want it to hurt anymore.by the time you find this, i’ll be dead, presumably. i took medication already, and i don’t know what else i’m going to do next.also i’m sorry i never got to say this in person, i’m sorry that i never will. but to corpse, and corpse especially, if he ever finds this,i love you. "
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 19
Kudos: 182





	1. prologue

thomas stared at himself in the mirror. he looked horrible , dishevelled. he looked tired.

  
  


his phone lit up with a message. he couldn’t make out the name , but the time said 12:30 clearly. it looked like it went on. he couldn’t make out the words.

  
  


more tired than he used to , like he had been up for days. he clawed at his face , he couldn’t 

take this anymore - the pain never stopped. no matter how much medication he took , how much time he spent with his friends - anything. it hurt all the time. it hurt so much. he ached. 

  
  


he stared at the pill bottle in his hands , before sighing. he mumbled something he couldn’t remember properly. weak hands undid the cap , and he poured an indescribable amount of pills into his hand before putting his hand to his mouth , and swallowing. thirty minutes. 

  
  


he had thirty minutes.

  
  


he walked back to his room. eyes fell onto some old rope he had gotten a while back as a gag gift. taking it , he tied it into a noose , before stepping up on his old chair and tying it securely to where it would hang just above his standing height on the chair , reachable by his toes.

  
  


he sighed , stepping down from the chair. the sickness was already settling in from the medication as he grabbed the pen and paper , beginning to write.

  
  


_ “ dear whoever finds this note first , wether it be toast , lily , michael , scarra , anyone , _

  
  


he dropped the pen. 

  
  


_ i love you all. i love you so much. i can’t say that , of course , it would be weird , but i love you all so much. everyone i met , you were all so important in my life.  _

  
  


he stood up from his desk chair , feet moving almost on their own. 

  
  


_ thank you for everything you’ve done , everything you’ll do. i’m sorry that this note won’t find you in good will.  _

  
  


his eyes landed on the noose again. 

  
  


_ you all are so amazing. i don’t deserve any of you at all. and we all know that. i don’t want to have to hurt you , but i can’t bear this any longer. life is a burden. there’s nothing for me anymore , you know? nothing for me in this life. i don’t deserve it anymore. i don’t need it. this will be better if i just do this now.  _

  
  


his eyes landed on the chair , too.

  
  


_ by the time you find this , i’ll be dead , presumably. i took medication already , and i don’t know what else i’m going to do next.  _

  
  


he stepped up onto the chair.

  
  


_ also i’m sorry i never got to say this in person , i’m sorry that i never will. but to corpse , and corpse especially , if he ever finds this ,  _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ he pulled the noose over his neck , letting it fall snug.

  
  


_ i love you. so much more than you’ll ever know. romantically. so much. so much more than a friend. i don’t deserve you , and i never will. please live longer than me. for me. please. you deserve the world and back. i would give it to you if i could. i would give everything for you. when we first met i knew i loved you. i just never could say it. and i’m sorry for that. i’m sorry if i ever inconvenienced you , or was a burden. it’s fine if you don’t like me back. i’m dead now , anyways. a corpse , haha. i’m sorry i never got to do all the things i said i would. please just stay alive for me. _

  
  


and he kicked the chair. it fell out from under his feet , and the noose tightened. he smiled as a single tear fell from his eye. his vision blacked out quickly.

_ love ,  _

_ thomas. “ _


	2. darling, i'm right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why was everyone ignoring him? he was right there for everyone to see. it must be a joke. certainly.
> 
> he'd prove it!

it was any other day for sykkuno. he woke up in his bed , like any other day. his room and bed were a little messy with sleep , like any other day , but he would get to cleaning that all up later. he went to his wardrobe , got changed into a soft teal jumper and some jeans , fixing his hair in his mirror before he walked out of his room , stretching as he did so. he was fairly sure the rest of his roommates were already awake , as he usually woke up pretty late -- he checked the time , 1:30 p.m -- and he made his way to the kitchen to get himself some breakfast. it was warm today in the house , which he liked.

toast sat at the table , looking quite distraught as he stared down at the table , water glass in hand. his other was running through his short hair.

“ toast! “ he called , waving out to him with a slight smile. no response. not even a glance in his direction. maybe he was just tired? he’ll try again.

“ toast? hello? “ he said , getting closer. still no response. “ it’s me. sykkuno? “ no response. he looked around in other directions , but barely glanced at sykkuno. 

sykkuno put his hand on his shoulder. “ hello? toast , is this a joke you guys are playing .. ? please say it’s a joke , you can let it up now , i’m right here - “

toast shivered , and seemed to brush at his shoulder a little to get sykkuno’s hand off. which he did. “ ew , it’s cold. “    
  
was he .. ignoring him? for real? i mean -- he couldn’t be! it must be some sort of prank that they were playing! he was right here this whole time! for real! maybe he’d try moving something to get his attention. he grabbed a candle sitting on the table and moved it around a little in front of toast. “ hello? “ 

toast seemingly jumped at the sound , staring directly at the candle moving around on the table. “ what the hell? is that - what the fuck? “ he grabbed the candle away from sykkuno and set it back on the table. “ ugh. i have to be seeing things , what the fuck , “ and he went back to looking around again , taking a drink of water.

“ toast , come on! it’s me! your friend? sykkuno! if this is a joke , you can let it up now .. i’m right here , no need to ignore me .. “ he sighed , going over to the pantry and grabbing a snack. toast looked up again at the open door and looked incredulously.   
  
“ the fuck? “ he said , getting up as sykkuno grabbed a simple nutrient bar and ran , going back to his room in confusion. “ hm. must be the wind , “ he said , and closed the door with a shrug. 

what was going on? surely toast must be playing just a funny joke like he usually did! it must be a joke. toast joked a lot! but it sounded like he wasn’t joking … was he really ignoring him? did he do something bad? he hoped not .. if he had made him mad , he was sure he could make it up to him! yeah! make it up! 

when sykkuno made his way back into his room , he shut the door , opening up the protein bar and taking a bite , finishing it in possibly the quickest he ever had , before heading over to his setup. the computer was still on , which he found a little weird , but he just assumed that he had accidentally left it open last night before he went to bed. he sat down at his chair and pulled up discord , looking through his recent messages. 

  
  
**valkyrae :** anyone open for a game of among us right now? no proximityyy. just getting your mind off of stuff right now you know

**jackspedicey :** sure! i’ll be there

**ludwig :** me too

**lily** **:** ill b there as well 

**michaelreeved :** sure ill be on :)

  
  
**dream :** i’ll be there for a bit

**pewds :** me too B)

**valkyrae :** alright everyone hop in vcccc lets go!!

  
  
  


it seemed like they were all in voice chat already. sykkuno decided that he’d join. there was no harm in just playing an among us game with his friends when toast wouldn’t even acknowledge him! he typed a simple message in chat : 

  
  
ill be there too guys ! hopping in right now ! **: sykkuno**

  
  
  
  


he pressed the green join button on the call , and was greeted by everyone excitedly talking together , before it paused , when they realized that sykkuno had joined the call.    
  
“ okay guys , we all ready to start -- oh , hey … sykkuno? what the fuck? is this some sort of weird prank? “ 

“ sykkuno? what -- “  
  
“ there’s no way , he - “  
  
“ what? no , guys , it’s just me! really! it’s kind of funny , uhm , toast was playing a prank on me and pretending to ignore me this morning - “ he laughed a little.   
  
“ sykkuno? “  
  
“ if you’re saying anything , we can’t hear you. your icon is lighting up , but you’re completely quiet , bud. “ jack explained , sadness clear in his tone. 

  
“ sykkuno , he shouldn’t -- he shouldn’t -- he shouldn’t be on this call. there’s no way , “ lily interjected. “ how? “   
  
“ this has to be some sort of cruel joke. it has to be … “ michael said.    
  
“ w - what? guys? i’m right here , my mic is working - what’s going on? can someone please just tell me? this isn’t funny , you guys - c - come on , “ he laughed. what was going on? 

“ ugh , can someone just kick him from the call? please? this is some sort of twisted fucking joke some asshole is playing , obviously. let’s not let them have their fun. “ rae replied , frustrated and annoyed. but they all seemed a little different from their normal personalities. why were his friends ignoring him?    
  
sykkuno frantically began typing a message into chat , 

  
  
  


wait guys please don’t kick me  **: sykkuno**

**valkyrae :** and why should we do that? stop playing with us

it’s really me ?  **: sykkuno**

i swear  **: sykkuno**

  
**valkyrae :** no its not

**valkyrae :** whoever you are , its not sykkuno. this isnt funny at all

**valkyrae :** sykkuno died two weeks ago

  
  
  


what? he wasn’t dead. there was no way. he never remembered doing that! but then again , what if he lost his memory from dying .... but he couldn’t be dead! sykkuno was most definitely not dead. because he was right here! talking to his friends. on a call with them , too! how could he be dead if he was doing that?

  
  
  


your jokes are funny rae but uhm  **: sykkuno** **  
** i swear im right here at my desk right now  **: sykkuno  
**

seriously , im right here , its me? how can i be dead if im typing this right now haha  **: sykkuno**

is this some sort of prank all of you are in on ? its not a very nice one if you are :(  **: sykkuno**

**valkyrae :** no. sykkuno is dead. he died. this isnt a joke

**valkyrae :** so who are you and why do you have access to sykkunos personal belongings. answer me and dont fucking lie this time it just hurts us more

me ? im sykkuno i swear , its me , thomas  **: sykkuno**

im on my computer right now. i can even stream to prove it if you want ! you can see  **: sykkuno**

**valkyrae :** fine but do it on the server dumbass dont actually stream live

**valkyrae :** if this ends up to actually be a fake 

**michaelreeved :** i doubt this is real this must be a joke

**michaelreeved :** ghosts arent real

**michaelreeved :** please just kick him rae. 

**valkyrae :** ill give him a chance whatever

  
  
  


he wasn’t fake. he knew he wasn’t fake! there was no way. he was as real as ever! he wasn’t dead , and he would prove it! sykkuno pressed on the “ stream “ button he saw clearly below the call. he pulled up his camera , deciding not to stream games because , well , anyone could do that on his computer , and if they really wanted proof - he’d have to. 

he found his video feed amongst many other scenes , which took a while , because there was a lot of stuff open on his computer even though he didn’t have a lot of games. a lot of different google tabs , apparently. 

he found the camera. and his mic. he made sure they were both active , too , nothing was wrong and he had microphone activity. or at least it was picking something up. 

and then sykkuno pressed the “ begin streaming “ button. 

what he didn’t expect was to not see his reflection in the camera staring back at him. just a chair at a desk , clashing with his white patterned backdrop. what? but he was - he was right here , he -

  
  


“ hey , guys? “ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo ayo extra update bec i feel nice today 
> 
> little fact about ghostkkuno :
> 
> he doesnt remember anything about killing himself , writing the suicide note , et cetera. he doesn't remember anything in the last two weeks before he manifested himself in the otv house. he doesn't know he's a ghost either until the end but i think that's obvious from reading the chapter
> 
> i also plan on keeping each ch under 3k words. thoughts? anyways kudos and comments fuel the author. critique n other stuff appreciated. muah xx


End file.
